I figure that when approached by a friend for advice, different people have different ways of handling it. Do you know how your approach is different from others? here is a test of your coaching style.
http://info.specialolympics.org/Special+Olympics+Public+Website/English/Coach/Coaching_Guides/Principles+of+Coaching/Developing+a+Picture+of+Your+Style+2+-+Example.htm
2009年7月14日
2009年7月6日
游子身上衣
老爸老妈还在越洋飞机上，我的生活已经恢复原来的状态－－像往常一样工作、在外面吃饭、锻炼、甚至喊人一起吃晚饭。直到我打玩了球汗津津的回家，才觉得家里气氛不一样了。窗帘都拉着而不是开着。厨房被老爸临走前擦得干干净净，却不再热气腾腾散发饭香。门前的小花坛被爸爸妈妈收拾的井井有条。老妈一再叮咛，不要等灌木长长就要修剪免得影响了小松树的生长。我们一家载小松树的经历还历历在目，我提议做这件事的。栽哪一种是老妈拍的板，“我就看这这种小松树好”。爸爸妈妈一起设计的小松树的位置，给他们留了足够的生长空间，准备将来取代后面长得过高的灌木。爸爸挖坑，我和妈妈栽树，还挖出来好多蚯蚓被他们用来钓鱼。快太阳落山的时候我们开始给小松树浇水。后来妈妈又分好几次整理花坛里面的草，把墙跟垫高，并且开了一道水渠好让雨水留走。妈妈说我这样给你整理一次应该可以管一两年。栽树的时候我跟他们客气说让他们大老远的帮我干活，爸爸说了一句话让我心里一震，“我们载这些小松树是有意义的”。我想到就鼻子一酸，他们想到了自己不能在这儿照顾我但还有他们亲手载的小松树可以让我想起他们。妈妈还说等过一段时间发长小松树的照片让我们看看长多大了。
现在我的阳台都油漆一新，地下室脏的和未粉刷的墙壁也都被老爸粉上了白色涂料。楼梯和地下室的门被漆成了银色。快走前两天车库的门坏了，我看看觉得没办法修。老爸说不用找人了，你只要能买来铁剪子我们自己也能修。后来他真的把车库门修好了，而且比原来更加牢靠。而且我还赚了一把铁剪子。聪明的老妈已经利用它来剪断鸡腿上的骨头了。
后来我在想人真是自私的，我留恋的无非是他们带来的种种好处。但这也应了老爸颇有深意的一句话，信誉是做出来的不是说出来的。我把它延伸一下，爱是做出来的不是说出来的。他们的爱就表现在游子身上衣，表现在为我考虑的方方面面和做的各种看似微不足道的事情。越是这样的爱越真实。
Z说的一句话很对，越是父母这样没有念过多少书的人越会做事。读书人说的多做的少。我这次跟他们生活了这么多天深有体会。同样的事情他们办出来就多快好省，而我就事倍功半。比如说小松树吧，我原来花150美金买过两颗小松树；花钱找人栽上了，但后来可能浇水没有跟上就干死了。这次他们帮我选的小松树一棵只有三四块钱，而且他们开始时围着树挖了坑把水浇得特别透。小松树已经长了很多了。这样的例子还不胜枚举。这么多平常的小事上他们所表现出来的生活的智慧让我这个受过高等教育的人汗颜。我想我在工作和处世上都不及他们这么有智慧，真是自己要注意了。
现在我的阳台都油漆一新，地下室脏的和未粉刷的墙壁也都被老爸粉上了白色涂料。楼梯和地下室的门被漆成了银色。快走前两天车库的门坏了，我看看觉得没办法修。老爸说不用找人了，你只要能买来铁剪子我们自己也能修。后来他真的把车库门修好了，而且比原来更加牢靠。而且我还赚了一把铁剪子。聪明的老妈已经利用它来剪断鸡腿上的骨头了。
后来我在想人真是自私的，我留恋的无非是他们带来的种种好处。但这也应了老爸颇有深意的一句话，信誉是做出来的不是说出来的。我把它延伸一下，爱是做出来的不是说出来的。他们的爱就表现在游子身上衣，表现在为我考虑的方方面面和做的各种看似微不足道的事情。越是这样的爱越真实。
Z说的一句话很对，越是父母这样没有念过多少书的人越会做事。读书人说的多做的少。我这次跟他们生活了这么多天深有体会。同样的事情他们办出来就多快好省，而我就事倍功半。比如说小松树吧，我原来花150美金买过两颗小松树；花钱找人栽上了，但后来可能浇水没有跟上就干死了。这次他们帮我选的小松树一棵只有三四块钱，而且他们开始时围着树挖了坑把水浇得特别透。小松树已经长了很多了。这样的例子还不胜枚举。这么多平常的小事上他们所表现出来的生活的智慧让我这个受过高等教育的人汗颜。我想我在工作和处世上都不及他们这么有智慧，真是自己要注意了。
2008年11月18日
小而无当
不知道从什么时候起，我开始注意做一些看上去没用但让我有一种满足感的小事情。比如，每次Review完一篇文章，我就规规矩矩的把Review打印出来，跟原文别在一起，放到一个固定的文件堆上去。我知道很少会再去看它们 -- 但是打印出来拿在手里的那两片纸给了我一个享受一下完成一件事情的小小乐趣。我像坚持宗教仪式一般坚持我自己的小小仪式（哈哈,宗教仪式好像也没有直接的用处）。
还有就是如果我制定了一个To Do List，我也特别享受把一件完成的事情从
纸上划掉的感觉。因为比较喜欢这样的感觉，我有时候把一些小的不起眼的
事情也偷偷地加上去充数，因为大脑这时候只会愚蠢的数数。把大脑哄高兴了，
它也就少罢工了。
最近波士顿室友买房了，奥斯汀的妹妹要生小孩了，身边的朋友有的恋爱了，
有的要走人，有的要毕业了，还有担心走不了的。真是一个变更的季节。
还有就是如果我制定了一个To Do List，我也特别享受把一件完成的事情从
纸上划掉的感觉。因为比较喜欢这样的感觉，我有时候把一些小的不起眼的
事情也偷偷地加上去充数，因为大脑这时候只会愚蠢的数数。把大脑哄高兴了，
它也就少罢工了。
最近波士顿室友买房了，奥斯汀的妹妹要生小孩了，身边的朋友有的恋爱了，
有的要走人，有的要毕业了，还有担心走不了的。真是一个变更的季节。
2008年10月19日
ZZ: Overcoming Procrastination by Pavlina LLC.
i cannot help forward this article.
Overcoming Procrastination
source: Pavlina LLC.
Procrastination, the habit of putting tasks off to the last possible minute, can be a major problem in both your career and your personal life. Missed opportunities, frenzied work hours, stress, overwhelm, resentment, and guilt are just some of the symptoms. This article will explore the root causes of procrastination and give you several practical tools to overcome it.
Replace "Have To" With "Want To"
First, thinking that you absolutely have to do something is a major reason for procrastination. When you tell yourself that you have to do something, you're implying that you're being forced to do it, so you'll automatically feel a sense of resentment and rebellion. Procrastination kicks in as a defense mechanism to keep you away from this pain. If the task you are putting off has a real deadline, then when the deadline gets very close, the sense of pain associated with the task becomes overridden by the much greater sense of pain if you don't get started immediately.
The solution to this first mental block is to realize and accept that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Even though there may be serious consequences, you are always free to choose. No one is forcing you to run your business the way you do. All the decisions you've made along the way have brought you to where you are today. If you don't like where you've ended up, you're free to start making different decisions, and new results will follow. Also be aware that you don't procrastinate in every area of your life. Even the worst procrastinators have areas where they never procrastinate. Perhaps you never miss your favorite TV show, or you always manage to check your favorite online forums each day. In each situation the freedom of choice is yours. So if you're putting off starting that new project you feel you "have to" do this year, realize that you're choosing to do it of your own free will. Procrastination becomes less likely on tasks that you openly and freely choose to undertake.
Replace "Finish It" With "Begin It"
Secondly, thinking of a task as one big whole that you have to complete will virtually ensure that you put it off. When you focus on the idea of finishing a task where you can't even clearly envision all the steps that will lead to completion, you create a feeling of overwhelm. You then associate this painful feeling to the task and delay as long as possible. If you say to yourself, "I've got to do my taxes today," or "I must complete this report," you're very likely to feel overwhelmed and put the task off.
The solution is to think of starting one small piece of the task instead of mentally feeling that you must finish the whole thing. Replace, "How am I going to finish this?" with "What small step can I start on right now?" If you simply start a task enough times, you will eventually finish it. If one of the projects you want to complete is to clean out your garage, thinking that you have to finish this big project in one fell swoop can make you feel overwhelmed, and you'll put it off. Ask yourself how you can get started on just one small part of the project. For example, go to your garage with a notepad, and simply write down a few ideas for quick 10-minute tasks you could do to make a dent in the piles of junk. Maybe move one or two obvious pieces of junk to the trash can while you're there. Don't worry about finishing anything significant. Just focus on what you can do right now. If you do this enough times, you'll eventually be starting on the final piece of the task, and that will lead to finishing.
Replace Perfectionism With Permission To Be Human
A third type of erroneous thinking that leads to procrastination is perfectionism. Thinking that you must do the job perfectly the first try will likely prevent you from ever getting started. Believing that you must do something perfectly is a recipe for stress, and you'll associate that stress with the task and thus condition yourself to avoid it. You then end up putting the task off to the last possible minute, so that you finally have a way out of this trap. Now there isn't enough time to do the job perfectly, so you're off the hook because you can tell yourself that you could have been perfect if you only had more time. But if you have no specific deadline for a task, perfectionism can cause you to delay indefinitely. If you've never even started that project you always wanted to do really well, could perfectionism be holding you back?
The solution to perfectionism is to give yourself permission to be human. Have you ever used a piece of software that you consider to be perfect in every way? I doubt it. Realize that an imperfect job completed today is always superior to the perfect job delayed indefinitely. Perfectionism is also closely connected to thinking of the task as one big whole. Replace that one big perfectly completed task in your mind with one small imperfect first step. Your first draft can be very, very rough. You are always free to revise it again and again. For example, if you want to write a 5000-word article, feel free to let your first draft be only 100 words if it helps you get started. That's less than the length of this paragraph.
Replace Deprivation With Guaranteed Fun
A fourth mental block is associating deprivation with a task. This means you believe that undertaking a project will offset much of the pleasure in your life. In order to complete this project, will you have to put the rest of your life on hold? Do you tell yourself that you will have to go into seclusion, work long hours, never see your family, and have no time for fun? That's not likely to be very motivating, yet this is what many people do when trying to push themselves into action. Picturing an extended period of working long hours in solitude with no time for fun is a great way to guarantee procrastination.
The solution to the deprivation mindset is to do the exact opposite. Guarantee the fun parts of your life first, and then schedule your work around them. This may sound counterproductive, but this reverse psychology works extremely well. Decide in advance what times you will allocate each week to family time, entertainment, exercise, social activities, and personal hobbies. Guarantee an abundance of all your favorite leisure activities. Then limit the amount of working hours each week to whatever is left. The peak performers in any field tend to take more vacation time and work shorter hours than the workaholics. By treating your working time as a scarce resource rather than an uncontrollable monster that can gobble up every other area of your life, you'll begin to feel much more balanced, and you'll be far more focused and effective in using your working time. It's been shown that the optimal work week for most people is 40-45 hours. Working longer hours than this actually has such an adverse effect on productivity and motivation that less real work is done in the long run. What would happen if you only allowed yourself a certain number of hours a week to work? What if I came to you and said, "You are only allowed to work 10 hours this week?" Your feeling of deprivation would be reversed, wouldn't it? Instead of feeling that work was depriving you of leisure time, you'd feel you were being deprived of work. You'd replace, "I want to play" with "I want to work," your motivation for work would skyrocket, and all traces of procrastination would vanish.
I also strongly recommend that you take at least one full day off each week with no work whatsoever. This will really recharge you and make you eager to start the coming week. Having a guaranteed work-free day will increase your motivation for work and make you less likely to procrastinate. If you know that the next day is your day off, you'll be less likely to put off tasks, since you won't allow yourself the luxury of allowing them to spill over into your day off. When you think that every day is a work day, however, work seems never-ending, and you always tell yourself, "I should be working." Thus, your brain will use procrastination as a way to guarantee that you get some form of pleasure in your life.
Use Timeboxing
For tasks you've been putting off for a while, I recommend using the timeboxing method to get started. Here's how it works: First, select a small piece of the task you can work on for just 30 minutes. Then choose a reward you will give yourself immediately afterwards. The reward is guaranteed if you simply put in the time; it doesn't depend on any meaningful accomplishment. Examples include watching your favorite TV show, seeing a movie, enjoying a meal or snack, going out with friends, going for a walk, or doing anything you find pleasurable. Because the amount of time you'll be working on the task is so short, your focus will shift to the impending pleasure of the reward instead of the difficulty of the task. No matter how unpleasant the task, there's virtually nothing you can't endure for just 30 minutes if you have a big enough reward waiting for you.
When you timebox your tasks, you may discover that something very interesting happens. You will probably find that you continue working much longer than 30 minutes. You will often get so involved in a task, even a difficult one, that you actually want to keep working on it. Before you know it, you've put in an hour or even several hours. The certainty of your reward is still there, so you know you can enjoy it whenever you're ready to stop. Once you begin taking action, your focus shifts away from worrying about the difficulty of the task and towards finishing the current piece of the task which now has your full attention.
When you do decide to stop working, claim your reward, and enjoy it. Then schedule another 30-minute period to work on the task with another reward. This will help you associate more and more pleasure to the task, knowing that you will always be immediately rewarded for your efforts. Working towards distant and uncertain long-term rewards is not nearly as motivating as immediate short-term rewards. By rewarding yourself for simply putting in the time, instead of for any specific achievements, you'll be eager to return to work on your task again and again, and you'll ultimately finish it. You may also want to read my blog entry on timeboxing.
The writing of this article serves as a good example of applying the above techniques. I could have said to myself, "I have to finish this 2000-word article, and it has to be perfect." So first I remember that I don't have to write anything; I freely choose to write articles. Then I realize that I have plenty of time to do a good job, and that I don't need to be perfect because if I start early enough, I have plenty of time to make revisions. I also tell myself that if I just keep starting, I will eventually be done. Before I started this article, I didn't have a topic selected, so I used the timeboxing method to get that done. Having dinner was my reward. I knew that at the end of 30 minutes of working on the task, I could eat, and I was hungry at the time, so that was good motivation for me. It took me a few minutes to pick the topic of overcoming procrastination, and I spent the rest of the time writing down some ideas and making a very rough outline. When the time was up, I stopped working and had dinner, and it really felt like I'd earned that meal.
The next morning I used the same 30-minute timeboxing method, making breakfast my reward. However, I got so involved in the task that I'm still writing 90 minutes later. I know I'm free to stop at any time and that my reward is waiting for me, but having overcome the inertia of getting started, the natural tendency is to continue working. In essence I've reversed the problem of procrastination by staying with the task and delaying gratification. The net result is that I finish my article early and have a rewarding breakfast.
I hope this article has helped you gain a greater insight into the causes of procrastination and how you can overcome it. Realize that procrastination is caused by associating some form of pain or unpleasantness to the task you are contemplating. The way to overcome procrastination is simply to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure you associate with beginning a task, thus allowing you to overcome inertia and build positive forward momentum. And if you begin any task again and again, you will ultimately finish it.
Overcoming Procrastination
source: Pavlina LLC.
Procrastination, the habit of putting tasks off to the last possible minute, can be a major problem in both your career and your personal life. Missed opportunities, frenzied work hours, stress, overwhelm, resentment, and guilt are just some of the symptoms. This article will explore the root causes of procrastination and give you several practical tools to overcome it.
Replace "Have To" With "Want To"
First, thinking that you absolutely have to do something is a major reason for procrastination. When you tell yourself that you have to do something, you're implying that you're being forced to do it, so you'll automatically feel a sense of resentment and rebellion. Procrastination kicks in as a defense mechanism to keep you away from this pain. If the task you are putting off has a real deadline, then when the deadline gets very close, the sense of pain associated with the task becomes overridden by the much greater sense of pain if you don't get started immediately.
The solution to this first mental block is to realize and accept that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Even though there may be serious consequences, you are always free to choose. No one is forcing you to run your business the way you do. All the decisions you've made along the way have brought you to where you are today. If you don't like where you've ended up, you're free to start making different decisions, and new results will follow. Also be aware that you don't procrastinate in every area of your life. Even the worst procrastinators have areas where they never procrastinate. Perhaps you never miss your favorite TV show, or you always manage to check your favorite online forums each day. In each situation the freedom of choice is yours. So if you're putting off starting that new project you feel you "have to" do this year, realize that you're choosing to do it of your own free will. Procrastination becomes less likely on tasks that you openly and freely choose to undertake.
Replace "Finish It" With "Begin It"
Secondly, thinking of a task as one big whole that you have to complete will virtually ensure that you put it off. When you focus on the idea of finishing a task where you can't even clearly envision all the steps that will lead to completion, you create a feeling of overwhelm. You then associate this painful feeling to the task and delay as long as possible. If you say to yourself, "I've got to do my taxes today," or "I must complete this report," you're very likely to feel overwhelmed and put the task off.
The solution is to think of starting one small piece of the task instead of mentally feeling that you must finish the whole thing. Replace, "How am I going to finish this?" with "What small step can I start on right now?" If you simply start a task enough times, you will eventually finish it. If one of the projects you want to complete is to clean out your garage, thinking that you have to finish this big project in one fell swoop can make you feel overwhelmed, and you'll put it off. Ask yourself how you can get started on just one small part of the project. For example, go to your garage with a notepad, and simply write down a few ideas for quick 10-minute tasks you could do to make a dent in the piles of junk. Maybe move one or two obvious pieces of junk to the trash can while you're there. Don't worry about finishing anything significant. Just focus on what you can do right now. If you do this enough times, you'll eventually be starting on the final piece of the task, and that will lead to finishing.
Replace Perfectionism With Permission To Be Human
A third type of erroneous thinking that leads to procrastination is perfectionism. Thinking that you must do the job perfectly the first try will likely prevent you from ever getting started. Believing that you must do something perfectly is a recipe for stress, and you'll associate that stress with the task and thus condition yourself to avoid it. You then end up putting the task off to the last possible minute, so that you finally have a way out of this trap. Now there isn't enough time to do the job perfectly, so you're off the hook because you can tell yourself that you could have been perfect if you only had more time. But if you have no specific deadline for a task, perfectionism can cause you to delay indefinitely. If you've never even started that project you always wanted to do really well, could perfectionism be holding you back?
The solution to perfectionism is to give yourself permission to be human. Have you ever used a piece of software that you consider to be perfect in every way? I doubt it. Realize that an imperfect job completed today is always superior to the perfect job delayed indefinitely. Perfectionism is also closely connected to thinking of the task as one big whole. Replace that one big perfectly completed task in your mind with one small imperfect first step. Your first draft can be very, very rough. You are always free to revise it again and again. For example, if you want to write a 5000-word article, feel free to let your first draft be only 100 words if it helps you get started. That's less than the length of this paragraph.
Replace Deprivation With Guaranteed Fun
A fourth mental block is associating deprivation with a task. This means you believe that undertaking a project will offset much of the pleasure in your life. In order to complete this project, will you have to put the rest of your life on hold? Do you tell yourself that you will have to go into seclusion, work long hours, never see your family, and have no time for fun? That's not likely to be very motivating, yet this is what many people do when trying to push themselves into action. Picturing an extended period of working long hours in solitude with no time for fun is a great way to guarantee procrastination.
The solution to the deprivation mindset is to do the exact opposite. Guarantee the fun parts of your life first, and then schedule your work around them. This may sound counterproductive, but this reverse psychology works extremely well. Decide in advance what times you will allocate each week to family time, entertainment, exercise, social activities, and personal hobbies. Guarantee an abundance of all your favorite leisure activities. Then limit the amount of working hours each week to whatever is left. The peak performers in any field tend to take more vacation time and work shorter hours than the workaholics. By treating your working time as a scarce resource rather than an uncontrollable monster that can gobble up every other area of your life, you'll begin to feel much more balanced, and you'll be far more focused and effective in using your working time. It's been shown that the optimal work week for most people is 40-45 hours. Working longer hours than this actually has such an adverse effect on productivity and motivation that less real work is done in the long run. What would happen if you only allowed yourself a certain number of hours a week to work? What if I came to you and said, "You are only allowed to work 10 hours this week?" Your feeling of deprivation would be reversed, wouldn't it? Instead of feeling that work was depriving you of leisure time, you'd feel you were being deprived of work. You'd replace, "I want to play" with "I want to work," your motivation for work would skyrocket, and all traces of procrastination would vanish.
I also strongly recommend that you take at least one full day off each week with no work whatsoever. This will really recharge you and make you eager to start the coming week. Having a guaranteed work-free day will increase your motivation for work and make you less likely to procrastinate. If you know that the next day is your day off, you'll be less likely to put off tasks, since you won't allow yourself the luxury of allowing them to spill over into your day off. When you think that every day is a work day, however, work seems never-ending, and you always tell yourself, "I should be working." Thus, your brain will use procrastination as a way to guarantee that you get some form of pleasure in your life.
Use Timeboxing
For tasks you've been putting off for a while, I recommend using the timeboxing method to get started. Here's how it works: First, select a small piece of the task you can work on for just 30 minutes. Then choose a reward you will give yourself immediately afterwards. The reward is guaranteed if you simply put in the time; it doesn't depend on any meaningful accomplishment. Examples include watching your favorite TV show, seeing a movie, enjoying a meal or snack, going out with friends, going for a walk, or doing anything you find pleasurable. Because the amount of time you'll be working on the task is so short, your focus will shift to the impending pleasure of the reward instead of the difficulty of the task. No matter how unpleasant the task, there's virtually nothing you can't endure for just 30 minutes if you have a big enough reward waiting for you.
When you timebox your tasks, you may discover that something very interesting happens. You will probably find that you continue working much longer than 30 minutes. You will often get so involved in a task, even a difficult one, that you actually want to keep working on it. Before you know it, you've put in an hour or even several hours. The certainty of your reward is still there, so you know you can enjoy it whenever you're ready to stop. Once you begin taking action, your focus shifts away from worrying about the difficulty of the task and towards finishing the current piece of the task which now has your full attention.
When you do decide to stop working, claim your reward, and enjoy it. Then schedule another 30-minute period to work on the task with another reward. This will help you associate more and more pleasure to the task, knowing that you will always be immediately rewarded for your efforts. Working towards distant and uncertain long-term rewards is not nearly as motivating as immediate short-term rewards. By rewarding yourself for simply putting in the time, instead of for any specific achievements, you'll be eager to return to work on your task again and again, and you'll ultimately finish it. You may also want to read my blog entry on timeboxing.
The writing of this article serves as a good example of applying the above techniques. I could have said to myself, "I have to finish this 2000-word article, and it has to be perfect." So first I remember that I don't have to write anything; I freely choose to write articles. Then I realize that I have plenty of time to do a good job, and that I don't need to be perfect because if I start early enough, I have plenty of time to make revisions. I also tell myself that if I just keep starting, I will eventually be done. Before I started this article, I didn't have a topic selected, so I used the timeboxing method to get that done. Having dinner was my reward. I knew that at the end of 30 minutes of working on the task, I could eat, and I was hungry at the time, so that was good motivation for me. It took me a few minutes to pick the topic of overcoming procrastination, and I spent the rest of the time writing down some ideas and making a very rough outline. When the time was up, I stopped working and had dinner, and it really felt like I'd earned that meal.
The next morning I used the same 30-minute timeboxing method, making breakfast my reward. However, I got so involved in the task that I'm still writing 90 minutes later. I know I'm free to stop at any time and that my reward is waiting for me, but having overcome the inertia of getting started, the natural tendency is to continue working. In essence I've reversed the problem of procrastination by staying with the task and delaying gratification. The net result is that I finish my article early and have a rewarding breakfast.
I hope this article has helped you gain a greater insight into the causes of procrastination and how you can overcome it. Realize that procrastination is caused by associating some form of pain or unpleasantness to the task you are contemplating. The way to overcome procrastination is simply to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure you associate with beginning a task, thus allowing you to overcome inertia and build positive forward momentum. And if you begin any task again and again, you will ultimately finish it.
2008年10月15日
the Madness of Crowds
对于最近的美国经济危机的思考，我觉得从下面这篇纽约时报文章中找到共鸣。
我对于金融一直抱有一种狐疑的态度（也是我为什么不喜欢学金融/搞金融）。但问题是，哪怕是我的狐疑是正确的，它被Law of gravity证实的时候也仅限于这样的百年不遇的一刹那间。在其余的时间我都要为坚持狐疑付出代价。比放说，相信着房市不落的神话的大众会投资房市猛赚一笔，而像我一样狐疑的人就被视为缩手缩脚很少有机会分一杯羹。那么损失的是狐疑的人，至少是相当长的时间里面。于是哪怕开始狐疑的人都开始对自己理解的基本法则产生怀疑，甚至背弃它, 跟大家一起做梦。
在理论世界里面，大家关心的都是均衡点（即落地之后）。而在真实的世界往往是处于均衡点之间。肥皂泡存在的时间是如此之长，以至于我们基本上可以假设它一直存在下去了。于是就有了一个推论，审时度势的聪明人应该跟大家一起吹皂泡，分享当中的红利，但同时悄悄做好肥皂泡破裂的准备。而独善其身远离这个肥皂泡的人则只好承受寂寞。
最近一位友人职场上的意外也让我感到，一个人再怎么成功，基本的东西还是不应忽视的。
I have a friend who regularly reminds me that if you jump off the top of an 80-story building, for 79 stories you can actually think you’re flying. It’s the sudden stop at the end that always gets you.
When I think of the financial-services boom, bubble and bust that America has just gone through, I often think about that image. We thought we were flying. Well, we just met the sudden stop at the end. The laws of gravity, it turns out, still apply. You cannot tell tens of thousands of people that they can have the American dream — a home, for no money down and nothing to pay for two years — without that eventually catching up to you. The Puritan ethic of hard work and saving still matters. I just hate the idea that such an ethic is more alive today in China than in America.
“Parts of Wall Street got disconnected from investing in human endeavor — helping business to scale and take up new ideas.” Instead, they started to just engineer money from money.
Charles Mackay wrote a classic history of financial crises called “Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds,” first published in London in 1841. “Money ... has often been a cause of the delusion of multitudes. Sober nations have all at once become desperate gamblers, and risked almost their existence upon the turn of a piece of paper. To trace the history of the most prominent of these delusions is the object of the present pages. Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.”
我对于金融一直抱有一种狐疑的态度（也是我为什么不喜欢学金融/搞金融）。但问题是，哪怕是我的狐疑是正确的，它被Law of gravity证实的时候也仅限于这样的百年不遇的一刹那间。在其余的时间我都要为坚持狐疑付出代价。比放说，相信着房市不落的神话的大众会投资房市猛赚一笔，而像我一样狐疑的人就被视为缩手缩脚很少有机会分一杯羹。那么损失的是狐疑的人，至少是相当长的时间里面。于是哪怕开始狐疑的人都开始对自己理解的基本法则产生怀疑，甚至背弃它, 跟大家一起做梦。
在理论世界里面，大家关心的都是均衡点（即落地之后）。而在真实的世界往往是处于均衡点之间。肥皂泡存在的时间是如此之长，以至于我们基本上可以假设它一直存在下去了。于是就有了一个推论，审时度势的聪明人应该跟大家一起吹皂泡，分享当中的红利，但同时悄悄做好肥皂泡破裂的准备。而独善其身远离这个肥皂泡的人则只好承受寂寞。
最近一位友人职场上的意外也让我感到，一个人再怎么成功，基本的东西还是不应忽视的。
2008年9月14日
三鹿奶粉：谁之过？
三鹿奶粉这样的事件真是让人胆寒。其实生活在中国的老百姓早对这样类似的事情何尝不知？我记得我回家老爸给我解释了为什么只有羊肉可以吃，老爸说羊肉最多注了水，而其他的肉从不知道含了多少激素和药物。老妈也从来不让我生吃任何的蔬菜--说上面的农药太多了。中国的老百姓不是不知道，而是知道了也没办法。想不受毒害？那么就出高价钱买真正卫生的食品。没钱？对不起，知道这些东西有毒也得吃。这些从身边生长出来的东西尚且如此，更不用说那些大家从来没见过怎么制造出来的工业品了。
可能大家的第一反应是企业的良知哪里去了？企业决策者的良知哪里去了。谴责这些人是容易的，特别是捅出漏子的这些。但是这不是祸之源头，事情的根源还远着呢。这种社会道德的缺失是果而不是因。企业在博弈当中谁把良知当回事儿谁就是“傻子”，就会被众多的竞争对手挤垮。这样便形成了一个恶性循环：没有一个企业想做好人。这样大的市场环境对于人的作用也显而易见。企业为了存活只有重用那些为牟利不择手段的人。开始的时候只是从学校走向社会时会感受到这种良知被强奸的阵痛，渐渐地，社会上为牟利不择手段的价值观也会逆流而上污染整个教育系统。
奶粉行业内大家都是你知我知，但大家都缄默不言，为什么呢？也许是（1）这个行业还没有完善的法规（特别大家还没有预料到资本家已经如此的铤而走险）；（2）有了法规但监管系统无力。我们的法律和法制系统还没有积累足够的力量和经验与资本家斗。（3）监管系统已经被悄悄地搞定了。监管人也爱钱，如果他们不被有效监管，他们也很容易在寻租的过程中跟被监管者勾结牺牲了老百姓的利益。很多基层的官商勾结都是这样的。如果说前两个假以时日还可慢慢解决的，最后一个就已经是一个政治体制问题了。
可能大家的第一反应是企业的良知哪里去了？企业决策者的良知哪里去了。谴责这些人是容易的，特别是捅出漏子的这些。但是这不是祸之源头，事情的根源还远着呢。这种社会道德的缺失是果而不是因。企业在博弈当中谁把良知当回事儿谁就是“傻子”，就会被众多的竞争对手挤垮。这样便形成了一个恶性循环：没有一个企业想做好人。这样大的市场环境对于人的作用也显而易见。企业为了存活只有重用那些为牟利不择手段的人。开始的时候只是从学校走向社会时会感受到这种良知被强奸的阵痛，渐渐地，社会上为牟利不择手段的价值观也会逆流而上污染整个教育系统。
奶粉行业内大家都是你知我知，但大家都缄默不言，为什么呢？也许是（1）这个行业还没有完善的法规（特别大家还没有预料到资本家已经如此的铤而走险）；（2）有了法规但监管系统无力。我们的法律和法制系统还没有积累足够的力量和经验与资本家斗。（3）监管系统已经被悄悄地搞定了。监管人也爱钱，如果他们不被有效监管，他们也很容易在寻租的过程中跟被监管者勾结牺牲了老百姓的利益。很多基层的官商勾结都是这样的。如果说前两个假以时日还可慢慢解决的，最后一个就已经是一个政治体制问题了。
2008年8月12日
开幕式上的假唱到面子工程
我从纽约时报上得知奥运会上唱《歌唱祖国》的女孩另有其声。面孔是叫林妙可。声音来自于一个七岁的小孩叫杨沛宜。为什么西方媒体对这点“小破事”大做文章？不就是为了效果而取其精华弃其糟粕吗？这样的事情还多的很，中国人是素来要面子的。比如面子工程，还有最近的所谓亚洲最大火车站，形象工程，以及“家丑不可外扬”的传统理念。都是做做样子给别人看的，内里有多尴尬自己清楚。
之所以这样做，就是因为能够骗过一些人，比如“呆傻”的老外。要不然，如果什么人都骗不了，那就是做样子的人掩耳盗铃了-- 什么人都唬不过还费什么劲装样子？ 去做样子也折射出了人的自卑心理，因为尴尬才不想以真实面目示人嘛。这样的自卑心理是不大好的，特别是这样的自卑如果成了文化而被大家都接受的话。因为这样大家倒头来就会疲于以面子示人，真正坐下来回顾自己又觉得自己不争气，整个一个跟自己过不去。
老外提倡的做法到比较直爽一些，他们比较主张解放思想，强调自豪感。所以看到这样的事情就会说，你们太压抑人性了，让小孩产生自卑的心里，把丑就是可悲的逻辑强加给幼稚的心灵。我觉得后一种思路是比较人性化的。我觉得虽然说人有俊丑之分，声音有好坏之分，但我们不能够用作假的方式来达到一种效果，至少不能让看的人完全不知情。如果知情则又是另外一说，比如大家虽然知道恐怖电影是虚假的，但也还是愿意让自己的感官被”哄骗“一把，这叫娱乐。但假唱则不同，因为这已经迈出了娱乐的范畴，属于公然行骗了，怪不得被玩弄感情的大家要感到愤怒。
在缺乏诚信的中国，还是提倡不要行骗的好，不要骗别人，也别骗自己。该怎么着怎么着，如果属于先天的缺点，那么就不要以为耻。如果不是先天的，那么就知耻而后勇（改）吧。
至于大加批评的媒体，我觉得也大可不必blow things out of proportions。应该说这是中国的现状，而且可能也是很长时间内的现状；但将来事情还是会有可能向更人性化的方向发展。动辄就说三道四抓住小辫子不放，倒有点让人觉得有点小家子气了。
之所以这样做，就是因为能够骗过一些人，比如“呆傻”的老外。要不然，如果什么人都骗不了，那就是做样子的人掩耳盗铃了-- 什么人都唬不过还费什么劲装样子？ 去做样子也折射出了人的自卑心理，因为尴尬才不想以真实面目示人嘛。这样的自卑心理是不大好的，特别是这样的自卑如果成了文化而被大家都接受的话。因为这样大家倒头来就会疲于以面子示人，真正坐下来回顾自己又觉得自己不争气，整个一个跟自己过不去。
老外提倡的做法到比较直爽一些，他们比较主张解放思想，强调自豪感。所以看到这样的事情就会说，你们太压抑人性了，让小孩产生自卑的心里，把丑就是可悲的逻辑强加给幼稚的心灵。我觉得后一种思路是比较人性化的。我觉得虽然说人有俊丑之分，声音有好坏之分，但我们不能够用作假的方式来达到一种效果，至少不能让看的人完全不知情。如果知情则又是另外一说，比如大家虽然知道恐怖电影是虚假的，但也还是愿意让自己的感官被”哄骗“一把，这叫娱乐。但假唱则不同，因为这已经迈出了娱乐的范畴，属于公然行骗了，怪不得被玩弄感情的大家要感到愤怒。
在缺乏诚信的中国，还是提倡不要行骗的好，不要骗别人，也别骗自己。该怎么着怎么着，如果属于先天的缺点，那么就不要以为耻。如果不是先天的，那么就知耻而后勇（改）吧。
至于大加批评的媒体，我觉得也大可不必blow things out of proportions。应该说这是中国的现状，而且可能也是很长时间内的现状；但将来事情还是会有可能向更人性化的方向发展。动辄就说三道四抓住小辫子不放，倒有点让人觉得有点小家子气了。
2008年7月25日
Randy Pausch, 'Last Lecture' Professor Dies
Randy Pausch 这个年轻有激情的计算机系大牛终于敌不过医生的预言离开了人世。 我昨天还以他的建议为理由向系里要speaker phone呢。虽然不能要求人人像他那样过活，但是毕竟让人看到，在美国这个社会里面像孩童一般追逐自己梦想的人还是可以活出一片天地。什么时候我们中国也能够给这样有梦想有创造力的人同样的回报？
看Wall-E没有让我感动，但是他的死讯却是让我heart-felt，泪水开始在眼眶里打转。也许他代表了许许多多平凡人内心深处自己都不知道的冲动，只有借助他这样的最纯净的感召力才能让我们意识到原来这些冲动在我们身上也存在。他的离去除了让人惋惜天才的英年早逝，也让我觉得失去了跟自己内心深处交流的通道，如同失去了一部分自己。
看Wall-E没有让我感动，但是他的死讯却是让我heart-felt，泪水开始在眼眶里打转。也许他代表了许许多多平凡人内心深处自己都不知道的冲动，只有借助他这样的最纯净的感召力才能让我们意识到原来这些冲动在我们身上也存在。他的离去除了让人惋惜天才的英年早逝，也让我觉得失去了跟自己内心深处交流的通道，如同失去了一部分自己。
2008年5月4日
BE COOL BE NICE
他日歌同学说，性格好的人，一般都不酷；太酷的人，比较不关心他人感受的。不得不承认，平实嘻嘻哈哈的歌同学，总能时不时冒出一句发人深省的话。这句话似乎概括了玩酷者所面临的一个悖论——他们常常被酷吸引，而发现酷名之下空有其表。
于是大家就有了两种不同的策略。一种呢就远离酷，直接剥掉酷的外衣，追求一种踏实安宁平淡的生活。再一种呢，就是以玩酷为己任，不断的追求一个又一个酷，就好象不断地把大石推向山顶—滚落山谷—再推向山顶，永无止境。
先说酷又什么好。跟酷相联系的是一种年轻哲学，它包括标新立异，讲究冒险、挑战、情趣和新鲜体验。与之相反的好人哲学是稳定压倒一切，讲究实用、和谐、安全和循规蹈矩。这里面也有些不好分的，比如遵循好人哲学的也可能偶尔搞点什么情趣，而遵循酷哲学的说不定也讲究点实效。
我觉得持一种哲学的人可以向持另外一种哲学的人借鉴一下。比如玩酷的朋友们要把酷建立在责任之上，表里一致，做有实力的酷而不是扮酷。而做好人的朋友们也应该多汲取一些玩酷者的朝气，勇于挑战现状，重里之上也要重表，把生活变得丰满起来。否则，大家都容易得非所求。
于是大家就有了两种不同的策略。一种呢就远离酷，直接剥掉酷的外衣，追求一种踏实安宁平淡的生活。再一种呢，就是以玩酷为己任，不断的追求一个又一个酷，就好象不断地把大石推向山顶—滚落山谷—再推向山顶，永无止境。
先说酷又什么好。跟酷相联系的是一种年轻哲学，它包括标新立异，讲究冒险、挑战、情趣和新鲜体验。与之相反的好人哲学是稳定压倒一切，讲究实用、和谐、安全和循规蹈矩。这里面也有些不好分的，比如遵循好人哲学的也可能偶尔搞点什么情趣，而遵循酷哲学的说不定也讲究点实效。
我觉得持一种哲学的人可以向持另外一种哲学的人借鉴一下。比如玩酷的朋友们要把酷建立在责任之上，表里一致，做有实力的酷而不是扮酷。而做好人的朋友们也应该多汲取一些玩酷者的朝气，勇于挑战现状，重里之上也要重表，把生活变得丰满起来。否则，大家都容易得非所求。
2007年10月14日
无聊的时候你做什么? (updated)
我是说当你真正的无聊的时候. 我会找来我平时想写但没有时间写的小程序 -- 然后很轻松地度过几个小时的时光. 在网上看八卦也能打发时间, 但通常时间打发了却感到内疚。06-7-22
更新：我觉得真的心情糟糕的时候，觉得找个movie来看是很美妙不过的。这也需要一些准备，因为随便看个烂片会让人心情更糟。所以要平实有所储备，搞一个保证能让自己沉入其中的片子list。我现在已经找到了这样的list，那就是已经美国已经过季的TV shows。拎一集回家，打开一袋薯片，倒上一杯饮料，对我来说是百发百中的逃遁。 10/14/07
更新：我觉得真的心情糟糕的时候，觉得找个movie来看是很美妙不过的。这也需要一些准备，因为随便看个烂片会让人心情更糟。所以要平实有所储备，搞一个保证能让自己沉入其中的片子list。我现在已经找到了这样的list，那就是已经美国已经过季的TV shows。拎一集回家，打开一袋薯片，倒上一杯饮料，对我来说是百发百中的逃遁。 10/14/07
zt:男追女还是女追男
又看了一遍老张以前写的这篇文章，觉得挺有趣，忍不住偷了过来。我在这篇blog里面有简单提及，但没有老张讲的那么生动深入。
以前看过几篇关于matching theory的文章
matching theory是社会学的东西
当时只觉得有趣，没想到最近发现它也能用在计算机领域
看来天下武学无不相通，譬如葵花宝典和辟邪剑法就有类似的地方
matching theory里面有个经典的问题是这样的
假设有一群女生和一群男生
每个男生在心中都会对所有女生排个喜欢的顺序，女生亦然
当然每个人的喜好都会不尽相同
比如我最喜欢小泽玛丽亚，但菲菲（虚构男子名）最喜欢的是武腾兰
这就叫做青菜萝卜各有所爱
现在有个假象的恋爱过程（男生追女生）
每个男生按照自己的喜欢顺序开始向女生表白
当然啦，表白或许会被接受，或许会被拒绝
这个要看女生对这个男生的喜欢程度，但表白之前男生都不会知道
进一步，女生们都很拽
她们可以keep当前向她表白的最好的男生
一旦出现更优秀的男生，她们就可以立刻拒绝手头keep的那个男生去接受更优秀的
被拒绝的男生只能按照自己的顺序向下一个女生表白
matching theory的第一个结论是，这样的恋爱过程可以达到一个稳定的解
什么是稳定的解呢，这有严格的定义，不过我们还是举个例子来说明
比如我和菲菲都喜欢李嘉欣，但李嘉欣只喜欢我而不喜欢菲菲
那么最终的解肯定不会是菲菲和李嘉欣在一起
因为一旦我出现，那么菲菲就会被踹掉了，这就叫做有情人终成眷属
存在稳定的解表明这个社会可以达到一个稳定的状态，没有人愿意离婚
更进一步的，matching theory还证明了，在微弱的假设下
一夫多妻和一妻多夫的社会都有稳定解
下面是一个更加令人惊喜的结论
如果社会是按照以上假象恋爱过程进行的，那么女生尽管表面上拽，但最终将是男生获益
获益表明男生对自己追到的女生的满意程度要高于只是被动挑选的女生的满意程度
还是举个例子
坊间盛传许仙、白蛇娘子、小青和法海的相互喜欢顺序是这样的
许仙喜欢小青，小青喜欢法海，法海喜欢白蛇娘子，白蛇娘子喜欢许仙
那么如果是男生追女生的恋爱过程
许仙先向小青表白，小青暂时接受许仙并等待法海表白
法海最喜欢的是白蛇娘子，于是他先向白蛇娘子表白
那么白蛇娘子暂时接受法海并等待许仙
但是由于小青和白蛇都暂时keep住了目前对她们来说最有利的选择
这个matching过程就已经结束了
结果是许仙和自己最喜欢的小青在一起，而法海也得到了自己最喜欢的白蛇
反之，小青和白蛇都不是自己最满意的匹配
这个结论对于girls版上那些暗恋而不敢表白的男生们是有帮助的
建议是，大胆地表白吧，只赚不赔的买卖
最后matching theory说，在以上男生追女生的模式下
女生要提高自己的满意程度，那么必须使用一定strategy
前提是女生之间可以互通有无
比如，小青告诉白蛇她暂时keep了许仙但更喜欢法海
而白蛇也告诉小青她暂时keep了法海但更喜欢许仙
那么小青可以以拒绝许仙为砝码来换取白蛇拒绝法海
这样的strategy最终可以导致女生满意程度的提高
以前看过几篇关于matching theory的文章
matching theory是社会学的东西
当时只觉得有趣，没想到最近发现它也能用在计算机领域
看来天下武学无不相通，譬如葵花宝典和辟邪剑法就有类似的地方
matching theory里面有个经典的问题是这样的
假设有一群女生和一群男生
每个男生在心中都会对所有女生排个喜欢的顺序，女生亦然
当然每个人的喜好都会不尽相同
比如我最喜欢小泽玛丽亚，但菲菲（虚构男子名）最喜欢的是武腾兰
这就叫做青菜萝卜各有所爱
现在有个假象的恋爱过程（男生追女生）
每个男生按照自己的喜欢顺序开始向女生表白
当然啦，表白或许会被接受，或许会被拒绝
这个要看女生对这个男生的喜欢程度，但表白之前男生都不会知道
进一步，女生们都很拽
她们可以keep当前向她表白的最好的男生
一旦出现更优秀的男生，她们就可以立刻拒绝手头keep的那个男生去接受更优秀的
被拒绝的男生只能按照自己的顺序向下一个女生表白
matching theory的第一个结论是，这样的恋爱过程可以达到一个稳定的解
什么是稳定的解呢，这有严格的定义，不过我们还是举个例子来说明
比如我和菲菲都喜欢李嘉欣，但李嘉欣只喜欢我而不喜欢菲菲
那么最终的解肯定不会是菲菲和李嘉欣在一起
因为一旦我出现，那么菲菲就会被踹掉了，这就叫做有情人终成眷属
存在稳定的解表明这个社会可以达到一个稳定的状态，没有人愿意离婚
更进一步的，matching theory还证明了，在微弱的假设下
一夫多妻和一妻多夫的社会都有稳定解
下面是一个更加令人惊喜的结论
如果社会是按照以上假象恋爱过程进行的，那么女生尽管表面上拽，但最终将是男生获益
获益表明男生对自己追到的女生的满意程度要高于只是被动挑选的女生的满意程度
还是举个例子
坊间盛传许仙、白蛇娘子、小青和法海的相互喜欢顺序是这样的
许仙喜欢小青，小青喜欢法海，法海喜欢白蛇娘子，白蛇娘子喜欢许仙
那么如果是男生追女生的恋爱过程
许仙先向小青表白，小青暂时接受许仙并等待法海表白
法海最喜欢的是白蛇娘子，于是他先向白蛇娘子表白
那么白蛇娘子暂时接受法海并等待许仙
但是由于小青和白蛇都暂时keep住了目前对她们来说最有利的选择
这个matching过程就已经结束了
结果是许仙和自己最喜欢的小青在一起，而法海也得到了自己最喜欢的白蛇
反之，小青和白蛇都不是自己最满意的匹配
这个结论对于girls版上那些暗恋而不敢表白的男生们是有帮助的
建议是，大胆地表白吧，只赚不赔的买卖
最后matching theory说，在以上男生追女生的模式下
女生要提高自己的满意程度，那么必须使用一定strategy
前提是女生之间可以互通有无
比如，小青告诉白蛇她暂时keep了许仙但更喜欢法海
而白蛇也告诉小青她暂时keep了法海但更喜欢许仙
那么小青可以以拒绝许仙为砝码来换取白蛇拒绝法海
这样的strategy最终可以导致女生满意程度的提高
2007年9月27日
夏天你绽放了吗？
阳台上一阵秋雨带来了一丝丝凉爽，夜间已经要盖被子了，忽然之间对夏天的过去感怀起来。
夏天是一个酣畅的季节，丰富的水果可以让我们大快朵颐；夏天也是躯体的盛宴，久久隐藏起来的身体终于可以享受一下cargo shorts和t-shirt的惬意。让肌肤暴露在阳光下，让渗出肌肤的汗水汇流成串，让阳光把它又一次变得黝黑。夏天也是跟水亲近的季节，无论是运动后咕嘟嘟灌下的冰水，还是下午夕阳下温暖的湖水，还是当头浇下地带着泥土芳香的雨水，你都不用怕、可以尽情享受。
跟任何小学生都憎恨暑假的结束一样，习惯了悠长的夏天的我们也总是留恋忘返，直到各种琐事又像爬山虎一样重新盘踞我们的日程。那么夏天的激情呢？有的能变成秋天的果实冬天的营养和春天的新芽。有的则在秋夜的凉风袭来之前化作一抹红泥，成为漫长冬天回味的主题。也有的则已经消散在蝉鸣声中不见踪影。但是亲爱的朋友，不要为流逝的夏天而过于伤心呢，你不是在该绽放的时候绽放了吗？
夏天是一个酣畅的季节，丰富的水果可以让我们大快朵颐；夏天也是躯体的盛宴，久久隐藏起来的身体终于可以享受一下cargo shorts和t-shirt的惬意。让肌肤暴露在阳光下，让渗出肌肤的汗水汇流成串，让阳光把它又一次变得黝黑。夏天也是跟水亲近的季节，无论是运动后咕嘟嘟灌下的冰水，还是下午夕阳下温暖的湖水，还是当头浇下地带着泥土芳香的雨水，你都不用怕、可以尽情享受。
跟任何小学生都憎恨暑假的结束一样，习惯了悠长的夏天的我们也总是留恋忘返，直到各种琐事又像爬山虎一样重新盘踞我们的日程。那么夏天的激情呢？有的能变成秋天的果实冬天的营养和春天的新芽。有的则在秋夜的凉风袭来之前化作一抹红泥，成为漫长冬天回味的主题。也有的则已经消散在蝉鸣声中不见踪影。但是亲爱的朋友，不要为流逝的夏天而过于伤心呢，你不是在该绽放的时候绽放了吗？
2007年6月12日
Kurt的旅行计划
我看了Kurt的3年旅行计划，应该说是很精彩了。然后又有很多仰慕者和响应者，但我却静悄悄的退后了，我在思考。
我不是也被认为是一个喜欢玩的人吗？我为什么对这样的宏伟的计划反倒感到有点惧怕。我想到了一个词hedonism，享乐主义。 我的很多娱乐活动都是处于recreation的目的，也就是说当我累了疲惫了，需要散散心了，我会想着出去游游山玩玩水，重新充一下点，但回来之后我就不会再去想它了。所以我至今都没有要周游世界的愿望：一定程度上讲，我不觉得我deserve这样奢华的生活，尽管我完全有实力去实现它。我有时候会想世界上还有那么多人连饭都吃不饱，我们一群精英关顾着自己享受精致的生活算什么？
不要误以为我有什么鸿大志向，你要问我将来做什么我也不知道。我的生活总被一双大手推着向前，可以说是随波逐流。我的想法也基本上是小家碧玉型：我会从对事理的更为透彻的理解中获得快乐，可以是说这基本上是属于intellectual的意淫吧。有的朋友总提去办教育，支援贫困儿童，很惭愧我一点也没有做。要找理由的话可以说现在还不是最好的时机。但这并不是真正的原因，真正的原因是我还没找到让我能engage的事情 -- 而且我现在也根本是泥菩萨过河，救自己还手忙脚乱呢。我一向没有说得出的志向，可能我不想作为志向的奴隶吧，我可能需要比较长的时间来确定我最终要效忠於什么目标，也许终久也不会找到。
我不是也被认为是一个喜欢玩的人吗？我为什么对这样的宏伟的计划反倒感到有点惧怕。我想到了一个词hedonism，享乐主义。 我的很多娱乐活动都是处于recreation的目的，也就是说当我累了疲惫了，需要散散心了，我会想着出去游游山玩玩水，重新充一下点，但回来之后我就不会再去想它了。所以我至今都没有要周游世界的愿望：一定程度上讲，我不觉得我deserve这样奢华的生活，尽管我完全有实力去实现它。我有时候会想世界上还有那么多人连饭都吃不饱，我们一群精英关顾着自己享受精致的生活算什么？
不要误以为我有什么鸿大志向，你要问我将来做什么我也不知道。我的生活总被一双大手推着向前，可以说是随波逐流。我的想法也基本上是小家碧玉型：我会从对事理的更为透彻的理解中获得快乐，可以是说这基本上是属于intellectual的意淫吧。有的朋友总提去办教育，支援贫困儿童，很惭愧我一点也没有做。要找理由的话可以说现在还不是最好的时机。但这并不是真正的原因，真正的原因是我还没找到让我能engage的事情 -- 而且我现在也根本是泥菩萨过河，救自己还手忙脚乱呢。我一向没有说得出的志向，可能我不想作为志向的奴隶吧，我可能需要比较长的时间来确定我最终要效忠於什么目标，也许终久也不会找到。
2007年5月24日
2007年5月10日
道听途说
回家的路上NPR播放了纪念口琴演奏家Larry Adler的一段采访录音。里面有一句话我竟然再几个小时之后想起来了。Larry Adler讲述了他从Jack Benny那里学到了让他一生难望的两个字，"Don't Press"。他解释说，作为一个entertainer当观众不喜欢你的时候，你总想着加倍努力去取悦他们。而Jack Benny的建议正好相反，他说你要放松，坚持自己的风格，等待观众慢慢地发现你。Larry以他狡黠而快捷的语调说，"boy, that's a hard lesson to learn”。 很喜欢Larry Adler的谈吐，可惜此人已经去世了。
2007年4月14日
怎样戒除坏习惯.....待更新
同事问我“what bad habits you are into?" 我皱眉思考这个问题的来头，"c'mon, everyone have some" 他是对的。我们把坏的称为瘾，好的称为追求。其实这两者是共同的，就是它们都包含了正反馈--系统论说正反溃是不稳定的。其实我们老祖宗早就明白了，他们捋着胡须说”物极必反“，当然反也可以包括self-destruct. 跑题了，总之瘾也好，追求也好，我们在它们面前是那么的无能为力，但是它们又那么顽强地进驻到我们的生活，所以要积累一些对付它们的经验。
其实人都是弱点的，特别是困顿的时候总想着沉浸到别的事情当中，不管这个别的事情是上网，食物，酒精，shopping，porn, 游戏, drug。但有时候我们的大脑就停止发出stop的指令了,这时候就有瘾了（所以上面每一个都能成为一个庞大的产业）.对抗这些诱惑是不乐观的,所以最偷懒和有效的方法就是不要让它们触手可及. 彻底清除硬盘上的游戏能(很有效地)解决一部分问题.
但是我们不大可能完全地避免沉迷. 那么发展一些好的沉迷就变得重要了, 所以要想等自己感到无聊不振作的时候可以干什么. 这是一个未雨绸缪的问题. 如果能培养一些好的健康的爱好,或者说用一个瘾代替另外一个瘾. 但是好的瘾不容易找啊. 可见我也没有什么好主意.
我的最后一点是, 偶尔沉迷一下无妨;只要能及时反弹回来,要在春风得意的时候马疾蹄就可以了. 不要对自己太苛刻, 罪恶感可能比罪恶本身更具杀伤力.
有什么好的建议?
其实人都是弱点的，特别是困顿的时候总想着沉浸到别的事情当中，不管这个别的事情是上网，食物，酒精，shopping，porn, 游戏, drug。但有时候我们的大脑就停止发出stop的指令了,这时候就有瘾了（所以上面每一个都能成为一个庞大的产业）.对抗这些诱惑是不乐观的,所以最偷懒和有效的方法就是不要让它们触手可及. 彻底清除硬盘上的游戏能(很有效地)解决一部分问题.
但是我们不大可能完全地避免沉迷. 那么发展一些好的沉迷就变得重要了, 所以要想等自己感到无聊不振作的时候可以干什么. 这是一个未雨绸缪的问题. 如果能培养一些好的健康的爱好,或者说用一个瘾代替另外一个瘾. 但是好的瘾不容易找啊. 可见我也没有什么好主意.
我的最后一点是, 偶尔沉迷一下无妨;只要能及时反弹回来,要在春风得意的时候马疾蹄就可以了. 不要对自己太苛刻, 罪恶感可能比罪恶本身更具杀伤力.
有什么好的建议?
2006年8月21日
关系
社会学学者们在半个世纪前就清楚地提出了关系的本质是互相依赖. 所以处于关系之中就意味着受制于人。如果一方依赖另一方多一些就形成了不对等关系，这种关系通常是不稳定的。依赖不总是负面的；互相依赖 (interdependence) 通常比独立自主 (independence)和完全的依赖 (dependence)更高级。
要建立稳定的关系首先要求个体发展可供交换的资本. 但是有趣的是，交换资本的提高并不意味着更易建立稳定的关系. 当交换资本增多而依赖性不变时, 个体所能够进行对等交换的对象会减少. 所以个体应该在积累交换资本的同时发展有效率的依赖. 这就是为什么1-1关系比1-n和要来的稳定.
关系之初, 一方往往在风险情况下首先投入以期未来的回报. 首先投入的一方因依赖于对方的回报, 因而看似处于劣势. 但match theory显示在婚姻模型中追求的一方而非被追求的一方享有更高的收益. 被动的一方有可能误认为对方的投入是无条件的而不予回馈. 而首先投入的一方则易投其所有而非对方之所需.
要建立稳定的关系首先要求个体发展可供交换的资本. 但是有趣的是，交换资本的提高并不意味着更易建立稳定的关系. 当交换资本增多而依赖性不变时, 个体所能够进行对等交换的对象会减少. 所以个体应该在积累交换资本的同时发展有效率的依赖. 这就是为什么1-1关系比1-n和要来的稳定.
关系之初, 一方往往在风险情况下首先投入以期未来的回报. 首先投入的一方因依赖于对方的回报, 因而看似处于劣势. 但match theory显示在婚姻模型中追求的一方而非被追求的一方享有更高的收益. 被动的一方有可能误认为对方的投入是无条件的而不予回馈. 而首先投入的一方则易投其所有而非对方之所需.
2006年8月16日
2006年8月7日
wish to be true to my heart
我喜欢哲学, 尽管我分不清究竟是谁的学说。但有一点我是知道的，在大家都在马哲课上混的时候，我是学得津津有味的；当然我并不听老师讲, 而是自己看教材。当时我对马克思哲学的钦佩好像很不合潮流. 我的一点偏好仅在几本书中得到验证:《苏菲的世界》，《西方哲学史》, 熊彼特的《资本主义，社会主义和民主》都把马克思列的学说放在很重要的位置。就是在马哲课上我明白了并决定了我要理性与感性并重 -- 我当时觉得我非常英明，根本没想到后来一直要为它付出代价。其实很多选择上仅靠理性反而来得非常容易，也许让人更如鱼得水, 甚至偶尔能熊掌与鱼兼得. 有了感性的参与，问题就变得复杂起来，比如你深爱着故土但到他乡更有机会，你会怎么选择？不喜欢但有利的项目做不做? 在爱与现实中如何选择? 更加复杂的是 (引用老哥的话) 你站在山脚的时候怎么会知道会不会喜欢山顶的风景? 也就是说有时候要figure out where your heart truely lies并不比理性思考来得容易--电影通常很便利地把这琐屑的一环省略了, 而世间的我们却一步也不能跳过. 我想说我想true to my heart, 但这条路太不容易了.
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